It’s a personal thing!
What spooks you out? For some it might be riding a roller coaster, for others, making a speech in public. For others it could be getting a haircut, and for others, a giant hairy spider. We’re all different in this respect.
Most of the time we can happily avoid the things we fear. And some of the time, this doesn’t really have a great impact on our everyday lives. So that’s fine! End of story.
Except when it is not fine. Sometimes, we are scared of something that is very much in our everyday life. These are the things that cause us constant worry and workarounds. These everyday things are all around us, and most of us take them for granted. Think about driving in a city, talking on the phone, going to the doctors, tackling a problem.
Then you can have a nightmare scenario. Coming up against one of your fears on a daily basis can deplete your energy and resources and, more importantly, your ability to get things into proportion and to find a way forward.
Your children too have their own personal fears, and they can be equally clever at hiding them from us at times with their elaborate workarounds.
What can we do to tackle our fears? Well, from the work I’ve done with individuals and groups, here are some ideas which have worked:
1. Face up to it – recognise what the situation is that you are afraid of. Acknowledge it, dissect it into its parts, and admit it. “I’m afraid of . . “.
2. Get underneath it – what part of this situation scares you? What are you really afraid of?
3. Imagine life without this fear. What could everyday life be like? What could you do differently? How much easier would things be?
4. Make a plan to reduce the fear. Make it practical, in small, only slightly stretching steps.Think about who and what could help each step. Use your imagination about how different things could be to motivate you to come up with a creative plan.
5. Take a small step forward. If it means a move out of your comfort zone, get ready for it. You don’t have to conquer your fear all at once, but you can inch your way towards it. Sometimes, just taking that first step can help us overcome long-term inertia. But the most important thing is to take that step. That small action can make all the difference.
You’ll be doing all this, pretty much automatically, I’m sure, to help your own children overcome their fears. We would never encourage our children to avoid things they are afraid of all their lives – so why should we?
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